Dream a Little Dream of Me

I've been reading and re-reading two books by a life coach named Martha Beck recently. Martha Beck is not exactly some obscure thinker -- she writes for Oprah's magazine (a magazine I happen to enjoy greatly). I don't know what it is about Martha and me, but her ideas resonate with me at this uncertain time in my life.

Everything in my life is in upheaval right now. I'm losing my job, I'm moving out of my apartment, I'm abandoning a city I love and worked hard to move to, and I'm thinking of abandoning my chosen profession for something else. It's scary and relieving and exciting and nauseating all at the same time.

Basically -- and I already know this sounds kind of woo-woo -- I feel like losing my job is ultimately going to be a good thing. Not in the sense that people try to tell me when they say things like, "Everything happens for a reason" or "You'll look back and see this was the best thing that ever happened to you." Personally, I think it should be legal to punch people in the boob or nuts (depending on gender) for saying those statements or any derivations thereof. I know from past experience with employment disappointments that I will always regard being laid off/fired as a bunch of bullshit and will always recognize that my employer treated me poorly and without dignity. I'm not saying I will allow those hard feelings to govern my life, but I don't think the road to personal or spiritual advancement comes from failing to call bullshit on something that is clearly bullshit.

That said, if I have learned nothing else from life or from watching How I Met Your Mother, I have learned that even the bad shit can lead to something good. In this case, I truly believe that the bad shit of losing my job is going to lead to the good thing of finding one that doesn't make me want to break open my cyanide tooth and end it all. My new buddy Martha advises a little creative "map-making" (her term) to visualize the future. Again, it sounds a little woo-woo or like something my most New Age-y aunt would endorse, but when I try it, I can clearly see myself not practicing law. I see myself working in a counseling environment with lawyers, helping them make career transitions, identify goals and assess strengths. I see myself as someone who takes a person in crisis and helps that person find hope. I see myself being sort of like Virgil in Dante's Inferno.

The other bizarre thing that I always see in my map-making exercises is myself pregnant. There's a surprise, since I thought I didn't want kids. But hey -- who knows. Maybe if I had one, I would like her (it's always a girl for some reason).

Maybe this book is full of crap, but it makes me feel better. At a time when I'm going through a lot of stressful changes (some self-inflicted), I think there's a lot to be said for a book that makes me feel better and helps me to clarify my goals and what I really want out of life. I think a lot of my choices to date have focused on things rather than feelings (i.e., wanting to make enough money to buy certain status items rather than wanting to take a job that makes me feel happy and fulfilled), and I've allowed that to go on because I didn't really know what I wanted. When you don't know what you want, you might as well go for something that pays well. But now, I feel like I'm starting to get to know myself better and understand what would make me happy. It's a good feeling, and if it took getting fired to get to that, then I guess maybe it was a good thing after all.