If I Told You You Were Beautiful, Would You Date Me on the Regular?

Justin Timberlake is a poet, y'all. Not at the level of Miley Cyrus or Taylor Swift, but a poet of formidable talent nonetheless.

So, I am a little worried about my growing interest in my salsa instructor/acquaintance-cum-friend. I had a bunch of different dreams about him last night, and I thought about him constantly while I was in South America. (The fact that he is from South America probably played a part in that.) I have been keeping tabs on him through a well-known social networking site (what? that's why that site exists), and his status updates suggest he is having lady troubles. Now, the Known Associate does not like to have to cut bitches, but the Known Associate is not afraid to do what must be done.

While I was gone, my love interest was talking to our mutual friend (the one who introduced us) about me. Said mutual friend went to the restaurant where he tends bar for lunch, and she said he was talking about me before she could get her coat off and mentioned I was unable to attend salsa class last week because of my vacation and that he was having fun in class. This led me to believe that he might be at least a little bit interested in me, but now I am scowling skeptically at my computer and wondering if he is, in fact, interested in some other lady. He toys with my emotions!

The Truth Is, I Never Left You...

...Or at least my luggage didn't. I flew back from Buenos Aires this morning, but my luggage opted to remain there for an extra day because it just loved the airport so much. Fucking luggage.

Argentina was amazing. It was my first time going to South America, and I really didn't have any expectations of the trip or even know what to expect. One of my friends studied abroad there and returns as often as he can, which is a ringing endorsement, but another woman to whom I spoke basically called it a shithole. I thought it was fabulous, and I completely understand what people mean when they call it "the Paris of South America." My enjoyment of the trip was aided greatly by the fact that my mom and I spent three of our four days with a good friend of hers who had moved back to Argentina the weekend before we arrived and who generously gave of her time and language skills to help us navigate the country. (In return, I bought her a fancy steak dinner at Cabana Las Lilas, which is a fucking awesome restaurant that I highly recommend if you're down South America way.)

I think the greatest part of the trip was the food. I have had empanadas before in New York, but the empanadas I had in Buenos Aires were a whole other level of culinary delight. I ate every emapanada that was foolish enough to get anywhere close to my gaping maw. We spent Thanksgiving Day in Colonia del Sacramento, Uruguay (as one does), and, on the recommendation of my mom's friend, ate something called "chivitos" that is apparently a popular Uruguayan dish. Chivitos is basically some type of beef with ham on top of it and an egg on top of that and maybe some cheese in there, all served over a bed of French fries and potato salad. I shudder to think how many Weight Watchers points were in that bad boy, but I bet I could crash the Weight Watchers site trying to calculate it. My mom thought it was vile and repugnant, but I liked it.

If anyone is looking for Argentina-related advice for a future trip, I felt like the three full days we spent in Buenos Aires were sufficient to see everything but not get too bored. We ate at a fancy steakhouse (the above-mentioned Cabana Las Lilas), went to a tango show, visited La Boca, saw Evita's grave, visited the Recoleta area and did a ton of shopping. I also thought the day trip to Colonia del Sacramento was fun, as it is a beautiful town and it's just fucking cool to say you've been to Uruguay. I commend both the Argentines and the Uruguayans for their fondness for stamping passports (unlike, say, the Europeans, who never want to stamp my passport so I have only anecdotal evidence to prove I was in most of the European countries I have visited). In the course of a four-day trip, I racked up six passport stamps.

The only blight on the trip, and it is truly minor, was the fiasco with my lost luggage. I was told upon arrival at my final destination that my luggage is being sent tomorrow, so at least they know where it is, so I'm going to wait until then to have a complete meltdown about it. Mom and I arrived at the airport two hours early for our flight, and that was just insufficient time. Three hours early would be much better. We waited in a long line to check in, a long line to pay our airport departure tax of $18, a long line to go through security and then another long line to have our passports stamped again so we could finally get the hell out of their country. Oh, and then there was another line to have our hand luggage checked before we could board the plane, and I thought my mom might get arrested for assaulting airport personnel at that point. It was pretty ridiculous, and it all requires more than two hours to be done without rising feelings of panic over the possibility of missing the flight (especially if you have even a faint hope of having enough time to reclaim the taxes you paid on whatever you bought there, which Mom and I did not).

Anyway, I had a great time. I highly recommend these destinations for anyone thinking of going.

Lawyers in Love

The Known Associate is in love, y'all. Still with the salsa dancing guy. I went to my first salsa dancing class with him last night. He kissed me hello and danced with me a couple of times even when it wasn't his turn or I was supposed to rotate to a different partner. He even refused to let go of my hand once so I would stay with him instead of switching. Squeeeeee!

Conspiracy Theory

I'm starting to think that all the guys in the world who don't want to go out with me formed a guild and named the website for their guild "Match.com."

If I Could Do Just One Near-Perfect Thing, I'd Be Happy; They'd Write It on my Grave or When They Scattered my Ashes

Things are going better at work lately. I've been pretending to be cheerful and enthusiastic to the point that I have become the fakest bitch on the planet. I am like Little Suzy Cream Cheese. Anytime anyone gives me something to do, I practically do a backflip for them to demonstrate my joy.

The thing is, I actually do like my job for the most part. I mean, I don't love every aspect of it, but I love it enough to keep doing it if given that choice. But my natural personality is wry and sarcastic. Even when the topic is something I genuinely love -- like cashmere or international travel -- I find it difficult to express sincere, direct enthusiasm. So, it's obviously very challenging for me to express enthusiasm for something like working on a weekend or until midnight, which no one could possibly enjoy. That said, I'm doing my damndest. And I think it's working. My nemesis has been telling me how much she appreciates my help a lot, so that has to be working in my favor. Fingers crossed.

Who Was That Masked Man?

Okay, my fleeting success on Match was a blip because now I'm back to winking at people without success (even a few ladies, thanks to my sexual identity crisis).

However, all is not lost! Hilarity can still be found! The photo to the left is the profile photo of one of the users on the site. I was like, "Wow, that guy is cute. I like the hair." When I clicked on the profile and took a closer look, I was like, "Wow, that guy is mothereffing Jon Stewart from The Daily Show." I kind of love the person who posted this.

I Remember When, I Remember, I Remember When I Lost My Mind

I'm back on Match. I know, I know. But things are progressing slowly with my Colombian crush, and I thought I'd give it another shot. Surprisingly, I've been slightly more successful on this go-round than I have been in the past. I haven't gone out on any dates yet, but more guys are winking at me, and some of them don't have a physical appearance that makes me want to retch. Small victories.

You Some Kind of Star, No, I'm a Comet, I Just Want You

I signed up for the salsa classes so I can spend some more time with my current love interest. I'm excited to spend more time with him, especially time that involves touching, but I'm incredibly nervous about doing something I'm not good at that he's really good at in front of him. I have heard that a lot of guys enjoy flirting with a girl by teaching her to do something athletic, but I have never been comfortable with that. I'm too much of an uptight perfectionist to believe that a guy I like will like me if he finds out I'm not perfect. (I actually didn't really realize I felt that way until I just wrote that.)

I'm not sure what, if anything, will end up happening with this man. But one thing I will say for him is that after knowing me for about a hot second, he has lured me more outside of my comfort zone than any other man I've ever liked. For this, he deserves many snaps.

Let's Hop a Cab and Split It, I'm Kiddin', We Both Goin' to Where You Livin'

I can't stop thinking about this guy I met the other night. He has bewitched me. What right does he have to be so entrancing? I'm trying to resist the urge to Facebook stalk him too much (so far, only once since Thursday, which is superhuman resistance, and I was elated to notice that his relationship status was "single").

I don't know what it is about this guy. I mean, he's obviously good-looking and nice and funny, so it's not like I'm pining over some loser, but I don't know why he has rung my bell quite so much. Maybe because we're so different? Maybe because I met him when I was stepping outside my comfort zone and he makes me want to step even further outside my comfort zone? I mean, I had a dream the other night that he and I had a daughter together, and I was so happy about it. I hate children! I have had dreams about being pregnant before, but I've never had a dream where I had the baby, and even in my pregnancy dreams, I was miserable about having a baby. It was so strange because I saw our daughter, and I heard her name (her name was Anna, and she had his last name). I just don't even know, but this guy has really done a number on me.

If I Were You Then It Would Be Me That I'd Go Home With

I met the most amazing guy the other night. A friend of mine has been taking salsa dancing lessons, and she talked to me about her instructor and his amazing smile. I thought she had a crush on him, but she suggested that I might want to meet him. (He is exactly my brand of heroin, to paraphrase Edward Cullen -- dark-haired, thin, younger than I am, poor, and not from the United States.) She invited me to her last salsa class and their graduation party at a club.

Normally, my answer to her invitation would be, "Thanks but no thanks." However, I have been considering what my work mentor told me about habits and how the habits I have got me to this point and are no longer useful. He was talking about work when he said it, but I see a broader applicability. I think when it comes to dating, I need to get outside my comfort zone to be more successful. In my experience, when I'm doing something outside my comfort zone (i.e., when I travel), I'm more open to meeting new people because I'm already doing something that makes me feel more open. So, I decided that since my knee-jerk response would be to decline her invitation, then I should accept.

I am so glad I did.

This guy...wow. He has a gorgeous smile and big brown eyes that made me finally understand what people mean when they talk about getting lost in someone's eyes. But there was something else about him -- beyond his scorching hotness -- that drew me to him. He just had the greatest energy. It made me feel excited and safe at the same time. I looked at him and thought, "Mine," and I've never thought that about any guy before. He coaxed me into dancing with him during class (by which I mean I scarcely restrained myself from flinging my body against his chest when he beckoned).

Unfortunately, this amazing man seems to have a more serious involvement with a girl we encountered when we went to the club. She, of course, is a talented salsa dancer as is he, so they have that in common. I talked to him a little, but there wasn't much for us to do since I don't know the dance.

The following day (Friday), my friend made me go to the restaurant where he tends bar at lunch to get take-out, and he and I talked again. He seemed happy to see me, and I was proud of myself for not leaping over the bar to throw myself into his arms. We talked for five minutes or so, and he encouraged me to take his beginner's salsa class.

I don't know what it is about this guy (other than the vague, unsatisfying and New Age-y explanation of his energy or vibe), but he has spun me right round like a record. I dreamed about him the last two nights. I really like him, and I don't know why. My friend thinks that girls throw themselves at him all the time (he's young, sexy, and an amazing dancer so that makes sense), so the way to get him is to play the long game and give him a chance to get to know me. I don't even know what to do with myself. I feel swept away, and I think I'm alone in that feeling, and I just don't want to get hurt or be disappointed.