So, I think I've figured out what's going on with Goose. It's basically The Only Living Boy in New York all over again. Goose craves the attention he gets from me, the ego rush of having a girl he can constantly make sweat over him, because he's deeply insecure. He doesn't care that he hurts me by stringing me along because it serves him to do so. Just as The Only Living Boy in New York coaxed me into agreeing to be his friend with benefits and then dropped both the subject and me because all he wanted was the boost of my agreement, I'd wager that Goose would find an excuse to bar me from the Las Vegas trip if I actually agreed to go. It hurts to love someone so much and realize that he only associates with you because it makes him feel better about himself. It hurts even more when it happens again and again.
2010 will be a year of changes for me. 2009 was easily the worst year of my life, but it'll be over in a little more than an hour. I hope to make 2010 a rebuilding year -- get my life in order, get some bills paid, figure out at least a rough sketch of where I want my life to go in the future, take better care of myself, surround myself with people who support my goals and who care about me.
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