When You Call, I'm Pressing Seven, Don't Want to Hear Your Messages, I'm Trying to Erase You From My Mind

I am in a self-esteem free-fall. I have been thinking of asking my salsa crush to my friend's annual holiday party this weekend. Half the world is invited to this party. People fly in from around the country to attend. I figured it would be a low-pressure, low-cost way for us to spend time together and get to know each other outside the scope of his employment. It's all well and good to dance with him and visit him at his bartending job, but, at some point, if the relationship is to progress even to a real friendship, we need to hang out when he's not being paid to be with me. Otherwise, he's, like, my gigolo or something, and that is unsavory.

Anyway, I have worked myself into a complete tizzy over whether I should even invite him to the party and, if so, how I should go about doing it. A crush is supposed to be fun. A friendship is supposed to be fun. Putting a heap of pressure on myself is not fun.

On top of that, I am about ready to murder Catalano. Catalano, for those who haven't known me long, is a guy I went on a couple of dates with in my old city. Basically, he would call me to hang out when he was on the outs with his girlfriend. She was (and, I think, still is) very into the make-up-break-up routine, and I guess he is too since he continues to participate in whatever games she wants to play. He eventually reconciled with her for a sizeable chunk of time, and I called him out on sending mixed signals. He apologized, and we resolved to be friends. That went fine as long as he was still with her, but they broke up again recently and, true to form, he started calling me a lot more often. He even said on several occasions that he planned to come visit me between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I emailed him to suggest two possible weekends (this weekend and the following weekend), and he didn't say anything to me about that, even though he responded to other aspects of the email.

At this point, I feel like he treats me like the runner-up for his affections and calls me only because he can't stand to be alone for five seconds. It's not flattering to feel like a guy is only calling because he can't be with the person he really likes or that I would be dropped like a hot potato as soon as his ex-girlfriend decided she wanted him back (which I am convinced she will because in the two years I have known him, they have broken up and gotten back together about four times). I am fine with our being friends, but I do have feelings for him. Those feelings don't get in our way as long as he's being clear with the message that all he wants is friendship, but everything is in a tumult as soon as he starts hinting that he might be interested in more. Then, of course, I get my feelings hurt when he doesn't follow through with those hints. I wish that I could just stop having those feelings for him so I wouldn't get my hopes up when he starts hinting, but as much as I've tried, that hasn't happened. I care about him, but I'm wondering if the only solution is for us to go our separate ways and stop trying to be friends.