All important life lessons can be learned from the Golden Girls. Today, I was thinking about one episode of the G-Girls in which Blanche attempts to help Dorothy raise her self-esteem by sharing a mantra that she repeats when she feels a little down: "My name is Blanche Devereux, I am beautiful, men find me desirable, and people want to be my friend." (Of course when Dorothy tries it, Blanche says, "You're supposed to say three things that apply to you. Like, 'I'm Dorothy Zbornak, I'm a good speller...I'm very prompt...and...' Well there's no law that says there has to be three.") The take-away point is that part of positive self-esteem is engaging in a positive internal monologue.
I've taken more note lately of my internal monologue, and I can't believe how many negative thoughts I have about myself. I am working hard to reprogram myself to eliminate this.
Take the current situation with Reefer Madness. I still haven't heard from him in response to the email I sent last Saturday suggesting we try to make plans for this weekend. I've been bummed out about that, and I've been assuming that he's blowing me off. But what reason do I really have to draw that conclusion?
There are only two possible things happening here -- either Reefer Madness is blowing me off or he is not. I have no information to support either theory. I have no way of knowing his thoughts or intentions. The only things I do know are: (1) when I emailed him initially, he responded that same day and said it was good to hear from me and sounded enthusiastic about getting together in the future, (2) he told me he is around most weekends, thus providing me with a guideline for proposing plans, and (3) he has not followed up on my suggestion of next weekend as a possible time to hang out. Why would I conclude that he's blowing me off? There is very little to go on here and the evidence that exists supports the idea that he has every intention of making a plan but just hasn't done so yet. There are many reasons why I might not have heard from him -- he's busy with his rigorous school program, he's waiting to see whether he's going to have time this weekend, he assumes that I'll interpret his silence as acceptance -- other than that he's leaving me hanging. So why would I choose to believe the worst?
Not only have I been polluting my brain with these negative thoughts about being blown off, but I have been making it even worse by assuming that it would have something to do with me. It really doesn't make sense for Reefer Madness to totally blow me off, but if he is doing that, I don't think there's any real basis for taking it personally. If someone invites you to hang out and you agree and then you fail to cooperate in making a concrete plan, that makes you a dick. It is no reflection on the other person.
I am skeptical of The Secret and its ilk, but there may be something to the power of positive thinking, at least as it pertains to conversations one has with oneself. Maybe the fact that I assume that people are blowing me off or the fact that I take it personally when people fail to comport themselves with proper manners is attracting more of those types of situations into my life. Maybe if I reprogrammed myself to assume that people are going to do what they say they are going to do, even if their timetable differs from my expectations, and that if people do not do what they say they are going to do, that says something about them and not about me, I would not attract jackasses into my life quite as much. Or at least I wouldn't feel so bad about myself when I do. In any case, I'm giving it a shot.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment