When I was out to dinner the other night with my friend, talking about my alleged love for Cindy Kim, we were also talking about our former high school classmates who had gotten married. My friend said he doesn't see me getting married until I'm in my late 30s because he I'm enjoying the kind of life I have now and he can't see me deciding to settle down until I can say "this is exactly who I am." My first thought was, "Dick." My second thought, after I let the idea simmer a little, was "What a relief."
There's something kind of relaxing about the idea of thinking that marriage is something far off in the future. Many of my friends are engaged or married or otherwise in the process of settling down now, and it makes me feel pressured to do likewise and it exacerbates my feelings of loneliness. It draws attention to all the things I don't like about being single instead of letting me focus on all the reasons that have led me, consciously or subconsciously, to steer clear of major commitments that might lead to the altar. There's something empowering about thinking that I remain single not because I'm not good enough to be chosen but because I'm still trying to sort out who I am.
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