April, Fools.

One year ago today, I found out that I was being let go from my job. Early 2009 had been pretty good to me. I got involved with The New Guy, and I thought we would probably be married before long. I had been doing well at work after receiving some negative reviews the previous fall (these reviews were unfair, but they nonetheless existed and were something I had to overcome in spite of not having deserved them in the first place). My estranged friend Sniffles had sent me a birthday card in March 2009 in the hope of reconciliation, and I had strongly considered it because I was so happy and wanted to share that happiness with my former friend.

It was truly amazing how quickly everything changed. The New Guy and my employer nearly simultaneously revealed themselves to be duplicitous and unkind jerks. After that, my life went spinning off down a path I had not anticipated. I moved, I went to Peru and met Goose, I worked at various temporary jobs. There were good moments, but it was not a good year.

It was, however, an eventful year. I learned how much change can be packed into one short year. When I found out I was losing my job, I thought I would have a new one before my three-month lame duck period at my old job elapsed. I never dreamed that a year later, I would still want for permanent employment. And, of course, I am not married or even dating anyone at the moment.

Right now, I feel like I'm just treading water. Everything I do is just to keep my head above the surface, and none of it feels like I'm advancing toward my goal or toward any positive outcome at all. I send off resumes and hear nothing. The last two interviews I have had did not result in job offers, and the companies did not even have the courtesy to send me a rejection letter. (I have to say that I think that is very rude. If someone goes to the trouble of being interviewed, the company owes that person the courtesy of a rejection letter.) I've entirely abandoned any serious thoughts of dating. I try to remind myself that I can't know what seeds I've sown will germinate, but it feels like none of them ever will.

I'm trying to remind myself that just as things changed dramatically from April 2009 to April 2010, things might change equally dramatically (and, I hope, for the better this time) between April 2010 and April 2011. I'm just so ready for this ordeal of the employment search to end. It seems like other people I know are finding other jobs with ease, and that makes me feel more discouraged than ever. I know I have to keep trying, but it's hard to keep up my enthusiasm for the project. I am tired of looking for a job. I am tired of getting advice from my friends on what I "should" do (all of them seem to think I should be a writer, which is very flattering, but it's not exactly something you can just magically do and I think it pays only a few people very well at all). I just want to get a job that is at least moderately enjoyable and have some real health insurance again.