Take This Job and Shove It

I met with one of the negative reviewers today (the less harsh one). The meeting was positive yet frustrating. Ms. Less Harsh conceded that the negative points she raised in her review of me arose from my lack of experience and her own lack of clarity in giving instruction. I wanted to lunge across the desk and choke her while saying, "Do you realize that something you said off the cuff that is not even my fault has been so impactful on my life and career?!?!" I mean, seriously. Do people not think about this shit when they're writing it in the first place? It's my formal evaluation, for fuck's sake. On the up side, she actually gave me some useful tips for next time (information that might have been more helpful six months ago, but better late than never, I suppose). I emphasized how much I appreciated her taking the time to meet with me and how much I would like to work with her again in the future. She doesn't have any projects in the hopper right now, but she said she thinks things will kick off again in November. She also offered to be available to answer questions for me if I work on another project of the type in which she specializes in the future, which seemed like it went beyond mere politeness. So, I hope that some progress was made there even though I kind of wanted to beat the little idiot to death for fucking me in the first place.

Tomorrow is my meeting with Mr. Scathing Review. I'll be happy to get that over with, and I'm hopeful that he admires me for having the cojones to meet with him after he blasted me. I'm also hopeful that the complete absence of character he demonstrated by waiting until my formal fucking evaluation (am I the only one who appreciates the gravity of that besides the people who have the authority to terminate me?) to tell me he was dissatisfied with my performance will also prevent him from having the balls to be rude to me to my face. In other words, I hope his cowardice works in my favor, and I hope I'm able to conceal my contempt for him for at least thirty minutes.

There's so much about this situation that I can't control (e.g., global economic collapse means that there isn't a ton of work pouring in the windows that would enable me to get some more reviews to counter these negative ones), and for a control freak like myself, that is agonizing. I try (with mixed results) to comfort myself with the knowledge that I'm doing absolutely everything within my control to help myself.