So, he responded...
Well I figured I should send you a response now since you sent me the same message to me like the one on Facebook. I actually ignored the one you sent me on Facebook, kind of like my own way to brush it off. But I guess since you're emailing me now with the same message, it sounds like you do want a response. So here it is.
I was really pissed off with the way things unfolded. When I called you that day and I was hearing a constant push button tone, like you were trying to make a point for not talking to me, I thought that was extremely immature. Whatever [our friend] told you, I really don't give a shit. She doesn't know me, or my side of the story, and she jumped to conclusions like I'm the bad guy. Whatever! Rather than you talking to me like a mature adult (that is still up in the air and I am really questioning whether you are or not) you had to constantly push buttons on your phone with an annoying tone, like you don't want to talk to me. Well I don't know how you felt, but I was feeling rather annoyed and pissed off. What else... WHERE THE HELL did you get the retarded idea that I called you a bitch??? Did [our friend] tell you that? I wonder what else she told you, or what other distortions of the truth she over elaborated on telling you. Once again, I really don't give a shit. [Our friend] had absolutely no right to interfere in our business. Ok so you turned to her for some comfort. Fantastic! She should have just been a shoulder to cry on, not someone to mediate, take sides, or go as far as attacking me. She has NOTHING to do with our situation! To me, [our friend] is a nobody. I hope to god I never have to cross paths with her again. As for her stupid little scarf, tell her to get over it! I have no idea what happened to it, frankly I don't care!
As for our situation... ok so I have to now tell you that I am not perfect. I am making it sound like this is all of your fault. That's not true. It is mine too. I admit that I was way out of line and I totally made you feel so good by telling you that I will come down and visit you, and then I dropped the bomb on you and didn't come afterall. Yep, I'm a jerk for that. Perhaps you need to hear my side of story. You have NO idea how gigantic my family is. I have A LOT of friends and A HELL OF A LOT of family and relatives who were dying to see me when I got home. Sure I made you feel like you're number 1 priority and said that I will come and see you, and stay with you for as long as I can. Well, obviously that changed. During the time that I was at home meeting friends and family, I was barely having enough time for myself, to have a life, because people were always calling me up and asking me to meet and hang out. During that time... this is going to be something that you might not want to hear... I met someone. Things were going great, really hot and heavy, and then we decided to kick things off. Once again... something that you may not want to hear... since you were in Boston and of course I'm in Toronto, I figured it was easy for me to cut you off and not talk to you, and eventually we'll drift apart. But the day that [our friend] and I were bashing our heads together, I figured that I should step up to the plate and man-up, and stop acting like a jerk and call you to tell you what's going on in my life... despite whether you'll talk to me or hate my guts for the rest of my life. Then when I saw the childish behaviour between you and [our friend], that was A LOT easier for me to push you out of my life and close the door.
There's other things that really fucking annoy me to death! The fact that you don't, or refuse, to take care of yourself! I'm sorry [my name], but having a healthy AND ACTIVE lifystyle is VERY IMPORTANT to me!!!!!!!!! And I EXPECT the person who I am seeing to be the same as me. I like.... no, I LOVE working out! I LOVE going for runs! I LOVE eating healthy! I LOVE burning calories and fighting hard in the gym, making a BIG FUCKING MESS SWEATING ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!!! You have NO IDEA how important health and fitness is for me. I want a woman who I can wake up in the morning with and go out for runs, or go to the gym and do spin classes, lift weights, work out in general! I NEED THAT! You were not willing to do that with me, and you were being very stubborn about it. That in itself right there was a major turn off! I'm sorry it sounds so harsh, but it has to be said. Men love women who actually take the time to take care of themselves, that includes eating properly and healthy. It is FAR too important for me. The girl I was seeing was being just that. She is everything that I have ever wanted, and she loved working out. She was just like me... she could not go a day without going to the gym. Some days she went to the gym twice in the same day! She was SMOKING HOT, perfect body, gorgeous figure, and because she was taking extreme care of herself, that made it all better. The fact that she wanted to spend time with me, including wanting to work out with me, was a dream come true!
So now here I am... late in the month of May. The girl I was seeing, well... unfortunately she and I didn't work out. We ended things mutually because we both figured that our lives were going in opposite directions. I think about her all the time but I know nothing is going to work because of our situations. But I'll be honest with you now... throughout this month I was also thinking about you too. Sure I saw your pictures on Facebook and I thought to myself, what if I came down to see [my name]? But the other part of me thought... it's a good thing that I didn't come down because I knew I would be miserable. So rather than breaking your heart in person, I broke your heart from afar.
So now you see my side of the story. Now you can make all the judgements you want, call me whatever name you want to call me, and hate me for the rest of my life (honestly, I am actually expecting that). But I have to say something....[my name], I am sorry. If you respond to me saying that you forgive me, I'll be rather quite surprised because I am now expecting you really hate my guts. But, for real, I am sorry for the mess I put you through.
I responded to that by saying:
I don't hate you -- far from it. I care about you very much, and even though we haven't known each other that long, I think that will always be true.
I get that you're mad at [our friend], and I get why. I agree with you that she should have just listened to me and not said anything to you. Had she asked me beforehand, I would have asked her not to say anything to you. She didn't (obviously). I don't expect you to agree, but I think she was just trying to be a good friend in a misguided sort of way. I don't think I was childish to talk to my friend about my feelings, and the rest was either between you and [our friend] or a misunderstanding (see below).
I'm sorry that you kept getting a weird tone when you called. It was unintentional on my part. I didn't even know you were calling. At the time you called, I was walking my dog over to a friend's apartment, and I had my hands full with the dog leash and stuff I was bringing for dinner, and I have a new phone. I may have pressed buttons that gave you that tone -- I don't know what happened. I get that you were already in a bad mood when you called, so I'm sure that was very frustrating, but it was unintentional and definitely not me trying to make a point of not talking to you.
I have a lot of conflicting emotions about the rest of what you said. I understand how important a healthy lifestyle is to you, and I'm happy that you take such good care of yourself and get such enjoyment out of it. I maintain that my lifestyle is also healthy; without being here and actually spending time with me, you don't really have any basis to say it is or isn't. When we argued about that, I suspected it was, in part, a pretext so you could push me away. Now that you tell me you met someone else after you got home, I feel like I was right about that.
I'm happy that you met someone else (though I really could have done without hearing how hot she is, frankly) (and by "happy," I mean, "glad for you as a friend but also feel sad for myself"), and I'm sorry it didn't work out. It sounds like the two of you had more interests in common than you and I do. I wish you had called me to tell me that instead of just blowing me off when I thought you were coming to visit. The fact that you wanted to end our friendship/relationship by just not calling me anymore just breaks my heart. I think you owed me that honesty, and I think you know that, so I won't belabor the point.
I don't know whether we would have been miserable if you had followed through on the plan to come visit me. Certainly, we are very different people, and we have always agreed that the fact that we live in different places was a big problem that we didn't see any efficient way to resolve. My perspective was that we had a strong and special connection that was worth exploring, but it sounds like you don't agree. (Or at least the fact that you were having a relationship with someone else and just decided to stop calling me makes me feel like you don't agree.)
Anyway, I don't want to call you any names, and I don't hate you at all. You did some things that hurt me very much, but I forgive you. I think you're an amazing person, and I wish things were different.
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