"The One That Makes Me Scream," She Said, "The One That Makes Me Laugh."

One of the hardest parts about trying to get over someone is trying not to care what he thinks anymore. When you fall in love with someone, you integrate them into your consciousness in a profound way. You see things that remind you of them or that you want to share with them. After the relationship ends, you might secretly hope that he will find out you're with someone else and be consumed with jealousy. Most of all, you hope that he will realize what a huge mistake he made in pushing you away and will make a grand (or even a petite) gesture leading to reconciliation. (Side note: I have never been on the receiving end of a grand gesture. I don't know anyone who has. I think this very common movie plot device might be entirely fictional.)

My birthday is coming up soon, and since I am not even close to being over Goose, I am already winding myself up about how he'll respond to that date. His birthday was a few months ago, and I knitted him a beautiful scarf out of baby alpaca yarn I bought when we were in Peru, thus giving him something handmade that was also a souvenir of a trip we took together. That was a damn fine gift. There is basically nothing he could do to respond to it that wouldn't be something of a disappointment. But I am guessing that he will not react to my birthday at all. At most, he might post something on my Facebook wall or send me a short "happy birthday, dude," email.

I'm turning 30 this year. It's a big birthday, and I'm not entirely psyched about hitting this milestone. The last thing I want is for this guy to ruin it with his indifference. But it's so hard to disengage from him to the point that I don't care what he thinks. Maybe it's just something that happens over time.