Sometimes we bring heartache on ourselves.
I emailed Goose. To be more specific, I included him on a group email with a link to the photos from my most recent vacation. This was a pretty wuss way to contact him, but I thought that a more casual group-type email would be easier on both of us than if I just told him I'm in love with him.
When my mom was here, I told her that when I decided not to go to Las Vegas with Goose, I thought one of two things would happen. I thought either he would come around to what I wanted (breaking up with his girlfriend and at least giving something between him and me a chance) or I would stop missing him. Neither of those things has happened. I don't know if he and his girlfriend are still together, but he hasn't told me that they're not, and I'm still in love with him. Mom told me that you never stop being in love with people you truly love. The best you can hope for is that someday, you meet someone else and can make room for that new person in your heart. This was not exactly what I wanted to hear, but my mom's specialty is "shit you don't want to hear."
I shouldn't have emailed him. I know this. I have no one to blame but myself for the fact that I'm feeling like someone poked my heart-bruise. I know this also. As naive as it may seem, I thought he might be glad to hear from me and maybe we could at least be friends. I think I'd rather have him in my life in some capacity than not in my life at all. Apparently, he does not share that feeling.
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I was in love with a man for a few years. We had a relationship of convience to start but after a while I was sure I was in love with him. I had to move far away for work and left him behind. I severed all ties. One day out of the blue he emailed and said he'd be close by and would I like to meet. I said yes.
I made arrangements at a great hotel, planned a terrific weekend and met him at the airport. Things didn't work out as expected. It was the off season a few things were closed, the hotel gave us a room with no view, etc. He turned into a spoiled child before my eyes and by the end of the weekend I never wanted to see him again. The freedom of that weekend was very empowering. I am glad that I had that weekend because without it I know I would have spent months/years thinking I still loved him.
This may or may not fit your situation, but I wanted to share.
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