I still haven't heard anything from The Only Living Boy in New York. I am not impressed, but he might be doing me a favor. I genuinely don't have romantic feelings for him anymore. The only reason I thought a friends with benefits arrangement might work out well for us is that I'm still attracted to him (and he is attracted to me too, based on what he said) but I'm emotionally unavailable to him because I'm in love with Goose. Even though I don't want to be his girlfriend, it hurts to be treated shabbily as a friend and it hurts to have my sexual advance ignored. I mean, since when is he too good for my junk? Fucker.
At the same time, my thing for Goose is most likely pointless and self-destructive. I love him so much that my chest aches when I talk to him. Maybe I won't always feel that way, but I do now. Maybe it's best not to cloud up a confusing situation further by giving my heart to one man and my junk to another. All I know for sure is that it would be nice, just once, to love someone without it hurting.
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