I Bust the Windows Out Your Car and No, It Didn't Mend my Broken Heart

I figured out how to hide Goose's updates on Facebook. This is a good compromise between the dramatic step of de-friending him and the equal drama of wanting to cry every time that insensitive douche-bag posts a status update without having responded to my last email (which I sent in the paleolithic era, it was so long ago).

I started watching Glee today, and I wildly over-identified with the Rachel character. She's a nerdy, unconventionally attractive young woman who is in love with a more conventionally attractive, popular jock named Finn. Rachel and Finn meet in the glee club, and it's obvious that he has feelings for her too, but he doesn't have the sack to dump his popular, blond girlfriend for the quirky, brunette Rachel. (To be fair to Finn, he is unusually emotionally courageous for a high school boy in other ways, such as standing up to his football team about his desire to participate in glee club.) The other main relationship to watch on the show is similarly fraught. Will Schuester, the married glee club director, and Emma Pillsbury, the guidance counselor with OCD, clearly pine for each other despite the fact that he is, as mentioned, married. I watched the first three episodes of the show, filled with hope that Will and Emma would kiss even though that would make him a scuzzy adulterer.

Has watching TV and movies completely warped my expectations about relationships? When you watch relationships unfold on TV and in the movies, they are always plagued by obstacles. Otherwise, it wouldn't be very compelling. The only exception I can think of off the top of my head is Turk and Carla on Scrubs, but they were not the focus of the show and they did have their own problems (e.g., Carla's hesitation over accepting Turk's marriage proposal and the fact that they separated during their first year of marriage). Are real relationships meant to be so dramatic? Am I looking for something hard because it's what I'm used to seeing when I should be looking for low-hanging fruit? Or, even worse, do I crave the drama so much that I'm not interested in a relationship that doesn't start off with way too much of it?

I love Goose so much. But it hurts to love him. I was so distraught about him today that I actually cried -- not just a few little tears, but big, ugly sobs. It is inevitable that there will be tearful moments in relationships, but it doesn't seem right that I should be feeling so abandoned by him. It's fair to say that my expectations of him are high, but I don't think they are unrealistically high. I don't expect him to break up with his girlfriend for me or propose that we enter into a romantic relationship even if the two of them break up for other reasons, but I expect that he respond to me when I email him. I expect him to initiate conversations sometimes. I expect him to acknowledge my existence. The fact that he doesn't hurts. And yes, it tells me that I shouldn't invest any more of my time or effort in him, but I'm not doing that. I'm not contacting him, and, as mentioned, I set up Facebook to avoid letting me know what he's doing. But that doesn't eliminate the feelings that are already there. Maybe I would feel better if I threw a brick through his windshield.