Here I Am, Rock You Like a Hurricane

I have elsewhere written about what it means to have a soul mate, characterizing a soul mate relationship as the emotional equivalent of slash and burn agriculture. Soul mates are a dialectical necessity to personal growth, helping to push you from stage to stage, from incarnation to incarnation, but they are not people with whom you're going to bed down for the long term.

But if that's the case, what should you expect from someone with whom you could spend your life? Exactly how excited should you feel about that person?

There's a guy at work I really, really like. He has a girlfriend, of course, so I doubt anything will come of this attraction, but my point in bringing it up is to note that I am extremely interested in this person. I am very smitten. I think we have a connection, and I find myself wanting to be around him all the time. But when I really consider what it would be like if the two of us were together, all I can see are our differences. I'm not sure our lives are moving in the same direction, and, if we were together, I'm not sure we could guide our lives into a parallel without both of us giving up big parts of ourselves.

On the other hand, there is Cindy Kim. I like Cindy Kim. He's a nice man, and I enjoy chatting with him. In a way, I sort of miss him when he's not around, but not in a gnawing, consuming way. I think he's handsome, but I have neither a strong desire to have sex with him nor a strong aversion to it. It's more like, "Hm. I wonder what Cindy Kim is doing right now." Cindy Kim doesn't make my heart flutter or my stomach flip, but he's a steady, true person. I could see our lives being harmonious, but perhaps not very exciting.

I can offer a perfect illustration of the difference in my feelings for the guy from work and for Cindy Kim. On separate occasions, each of them has handed me his cell phone for me to look at. Both times, my hand touched the hand of the man handing me the phone. When the guy from work handed me his phone and our hands brushed against each other, I blushed. When Cindy Kim's hand touched mine, nothing happened.

What should I expect from a relationship? Should I be looking for someone like this guy from work, or is that the path to devastation and loneliness? Should I be looking for a guy like Cindy Kim, or is that the path to dissatisfaction, a general feeling of having sold myself short, and philandering? Is there a middle ground? Is there someone who provides a stomach flip without leaving wreckage in his wake?