Passedover

Things have soured with Cindy Kim to the point where I feel like I'm his Cindy Kim rather than the other way around. How did this happen?

Upon the (in retrospect, highly dubious) advice of my mother, I decided to give him a shirt. I hate the way he dresses, and my mom seduced me into thinking that if I could see him in some reasonable-looking apparel, I could more ably assess my interest in him. I also thought that giving him a gift would send the message that I might have an interest in taking the relationship to the next level -- a more naked level, perhaps.

So, I sent him the shirt and waited to see what would happen. What happened was that he sent me an email thanking me for the shirt. At first blush, this doesn't seem like it should sting, but it did. First, I thought that a person who was flattered and excited and who took the gift in the flirtatious spirit in which it was intended would have made a phone call instead of sending an email. I also hoped that he might suggest we get together or something, perhaps for some smooching or at least some more lingering hugs. Instead, he sent a very friendly but ultimately disappointing email to say thank you and kind of blow me off.

He's having a Passover party next weekend to which I had agreed to go before I sent the awkwardness-inducing shirt. He said in his chilly thank-you email that he looks forward to seeing me next weekend at the party, and all I want to do is opt out. I've already set up the exit strategy by telling him that I hope I can still make it but that things have been getting crazy at work.

My mom, whose advice is already in question, tells me that I absolutely, positively must go to the party because Cindy Kim is the only straight guy I know and is therefore the only lead I have on meeting other straight men. I think it's disingenuous to hang out with someone because of who you hope you might meet as a result. However, I must concede that Blanche Devereaux is on my mom's side. Blanche once bemoaned a lousy date experience and when asked whether her suitor was someone special, she said, "That's not the point. He might take me somewhere where I might meet someone who is."

So, I don't know what I'm going to do. Right now, the leading plan is to go for an hour, pretend to get a message on my Blackberry and leave.