Say What You Want to Satisfy Yourself But You Only Want What Everybody Else Says You Should Want

I decided to email Don Juan de Morocco. It was a two sentence email basically saying that I was sitting in a boring meeting and wondered what he was up to.

I agonized for days (as you may have noticed) over whether to email him at all and eventually deconstructed my feelings into what became yesterday's post. I have to say, it's a damn shame that Don Juan de Morocco doesn't live in my hometown because a relationship based principally on physical attraction would be a welcome change from my current life. (Maria von Trapp got more action before she left the convent. Climb ev'ry mountain indeed.) But as I hemmed and hawed and tried to talk myself out of emailing him, I finally thought, "Fuck it. Why not?"

Why not? I mean, it's obvious that I over-analyze everything. I have a blog, which is a sure sign of an overly analytical mind. In one way, I'm glad that I think about things because it's important to understand why I do what I do so I can change or keep habits as is helpful and appropriate for my goals in life. In another way, I'd like to become a little bit more impulsive because people who live in the moment always appear to me to be having more fun. I decided that it was sending an email, not getting a tattoo and that I obviously wanted to do it since I had considered it for several days and still hadn't put it out of my mind.

That being said, I don't really think I'm going to hear back from him. I'm mostly okay with that. Obviously, I'd like him to continue his unabashed fawning, but the actions I'm taking are more about me than him.