What I Need to Hear Now: Your Sincere Apology. When You Mean It, I'll Believe It, If You Text It, I'll Delete It.

I'm so angry with The Only Living Boy in New York that I could spit. And I'm at least as mad at myself.

He sent me an email this morning forwarding me some photos from an event at his office. Normally, I would have written him a wry reply, but today, I just ignored him. Then, around lunchtime, he sent me an email letting me know that one of the top guys at his office, a guy I used to work for, quit to go to a competitor. That piece of gossip was juicy enough that I had to respond to him. I tried to steer the conversation around to the fact that I was mad at him, but he wouldn't bite at any of my admittedly lame hints.

I approached the situation stupidly. I should have either confronted the situation head-on or not addressed it. But after I had chosen to tell him I was sulking and he didn't ask me what was wrong, I got angry with him. At that point, I decided not to force the issue on the basis that he was obviously trying not to talk about it and that told me what I needed to know.

Where does this leave me? Mostly, it leaves me wanting to punch everybody in the entire world (except you). I have denied it as long as I can and tried to be friends, but I can't do it anymore. I like him, and I want the two of us to be together. He is thinking one of only two things: (1) He likes me too but is refusing to participate in a course of action that brings the two of us into a relationship; or (2) He does not have romantic feelings for me, but he flirts with me and fans the flames of my feelings for him because it cheers him up. Neither scenario appeals to me since it's basically a choice between cowardice and douchebaggery, but while he could rehabilitate himself from the first scenario, the second scenario is reprehensible.

I've been involved in a plethora of situations in which I had feelings for someone, and I wasn't sure if he might have feelings for me. In each and every one of these situations, there comes a point when a choice has to be made, and I think we're at that point, and I don't think he's ready to make any changes in his romantic life. There is something to the idea of timing, but I'm not sure my pride can endure the idea of waiting around any more for him to choose me. Either he wants to be with me or he doesn't, and right now, he doesn't. So, I guess it's time to disengage.