Stuck in No Man's Land, Ain't Nobody on Your Wave Band

So, still nothing from the new boy following up on his assertion that we need to talk. Perhaps he is still gathering his thoughts? I'm not wound up about it yet, but I wonder if he thought the better of talking.

I myself am not sure if it was such a great idea, and I was the one who reached out first. I've been trying to take advantage of today to gather my own thoughts, and I'm no further along than I was this morning. I know I'm still a little mad at him for the things he said because I keep fighting with him in my mind about it. I also know that I still want to see him and that my desire to see him outweighs my anger. Maybe that's all I have to know.

As for what I want from "us" or our relationship, that hasn't changed. My ultimate hope is that we'll end up together. Obviously, there are a lot of steps between here and there. If we decide to keep in touch, visit and so forth, we're going to learn increasingly more about each other. Maybe what we learn will bind us closer together and maybe it will teach us that we weren't meant to be. It's impossible to tell from this vantage point what the outcome will be or how long it will take to get there. I think there's enough between us (enough connection or chemistry or whatever you want to call it) to merit exploring things further. I don't expect him to know right this minute what he wants, but I also don't want to waste time on him if he knows already that he doesn't want to marry me or wants to wait years and years before marrying. I'm not schlepping back and forth between countries for years and years. Not at my age. Well, not at any age.

The fact that he hasn't called yet probably isn't a big deal, but it annoys me. He knows I'm waiting to hear from him, and yet he's nowhere to be found. If he tries to tell me he didn't call or email because of a communications lockdown, I might punch him. When we first started talking, he was so sweet. He would tell me how he wished he could sleep next to me or how he only got through a difficult situation by thinking of me. And that was less than two months ago. If he's already this over me, that doesn't bode well. Maybe it wasn't such a hot idea to email him. Or maybe it was a good idea, just so I would see that this wasn't meant to be.