You're All Alone. Can You Really Make It On Your Own? Keep On Moving on a Fast Train.

I was doing pretty well today, but toward the late afternoon and early evening, I really started to miss the new boy.

I wish he hadn't said such mean things to me, but I also wish that things hadn't ended as abruptly as they did. I really don't think he's a bad person even though what he said to me was really fucked up. I don't know. I just miss him. I keep trying in my head to find reasons to email him, and as much as I tell myself to stop doing it, my mind keeps churning anyway. So far, I haven't come up with any reason that isn't laughably pretextual or shamefully desperate-sounding. I also have to admit that shouting at him to contact me with my mind doesn't seem to be yielding any results.

When my mind needs a break from concocting ludicrous scenarios under which I would be allowed to email him, it likes to traitorously contemplate things that inevitably upset me. For example, I wonder if he's thinking about me or if he's already put me behind him. Is he as bummed as I am that things haven't worked out between us? If so, why hasn't he caved in and emailed or called me? Rawr.