Love, I Get So Lost Sometimes. Days Pass, and This Emptiness Fills My Heart.

I'm really struggling today with all the stuff that's going on, or going wrong, with my life. It's not that anything new has happened, but some days are harder than others and this is one of the harder days.

I have a massive Excel spreadsheet with multiple worksheet pages detailing all the jobs to which I've applied in the past ten days. I would estimate there are upwards of 350 law firms on there as well as a small smattering of government and in-house positions. It's pretty damn impressive, I have to say. Most of the law firms on the spreadsheet are places I doubt are hiring and, even if they were, would be unlikely to be interested in someone of my qualifications. Out of the, say, 200 most highly-regarded firms on the spreadsheet, I would be bowled over if I got two interviews. Unsolicited resumes don't tend to yield a large number of interviews.

I still haven't heard anything from the new guy. At this point, I should not be remotely surprised by that, but I am. How could he just ignore me like this? It's so callous. When he said he needed to gather his thoughts, apparently the thoughts he gathered went something like, "I do not care about this woman or respect her feelings even a tee-tiny bit." Part of me wants to send him an email telling him to go fuck himself, but since I would really be doing that only to get him to pay attention to me, which would make me just the kind of desperate, pathetic person he accused me of being.

I just want something good to happen. Now, if possible.